Children become resilient (and grow up to be resilient) after being subjected to abuse for a number of reasons. The one important reason is due to their relational health. When children are subjected to ongoing abuse or trauma and no adult steps in on their behalf, they are suffering from relational poverty and their resilience is broken down to submission.
This is what happened to me. Half of the brainwashing work that traffickers need to do, to get their victims to do as they say is already done for them if they can find a child, teen or an adult who has already submitted to abuse in the past.
Child abuse affects everyone differently. We have learned a lot about how the brain works and all brains are not the same, so, therefore, we process life and abuse differently.
I have a dear friend, Cheryl, who explains how abuse affects the brain. She developed scoliosis from the abuse and neglect she was subjected to. She’s amazing!. I have learned a lot from her. She says, “We need at least one person who will look at us with love, understanding, appreciation, kindness. An enlightened witness who will bear witness to my pain and will re-regulate our damaged limbic brain. Depending on the duration and degree of trauma, it takes time to feel safe again. Only when we can truly trust can we let go of our armor. Yes, having someone who truly loves me is the single most important factor in shedding my armor.” She is a blogger: https://mindkindmom.com/
As adults who were abused as children, we now have to undo what was done to us and shake off the negative effects. Another dear friend, Erin Lamb, nailed it for me in her last post. I learn so much from her as well. https://www.facebook.com/erin.lamb.5682
She said, “People take advantage of people who let them, they dishonor who accepts dishonor, they disrespect who allows disrespect. People continue to treat us how we let them treat us.
Value yourself enough to set boundaries. People will still try to trample you underfoot, yet fewer people will be able to. Why? Because when you see a lack of value you will set boundaries and say no.”
Onward and upward we go, fighting the good fight together!!
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